


The Memoirs book one

by TheTacoMailman



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pokemon GO
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:33:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTacoMailman/pseuds/TheTacoMailman
Summary: Written by Xenophon, Xavierius, Astorian, and Pope Ebik IIAn incoherent mess of autism, cancer, strokes, aneurisms, and crack cocaine
Relationships: Morganius and Azanasta, Xenophon and Philesia





	The Memoirs book one

**Author's Note:**

> Xenophon wrote this back in April, but didn't get around to posting it. I found a note in his note book, with the name of this site and a few others.

Being a close friend of Abel, I feel both qualified and obligated to write about this as these events unfold. It all started back in February, when one day Abel decided to go digging in to his old Pokemon card collection. However, this turned out to be very unwise, for afterwards he got addicted to them. He spent all his money and time on these cards, which started to worry his parents. The cards were changing him. Thus, Clark—his father—cried for help, saying: “So of recently my son Abel has been obsessed with Pokemon spending his alliances on ancient pokemons on eBay. It has gotten out of hand that he thinks his name is Aidan and that he has been casted to be Ash Ketchup in the 2010 film ‘Yuguioh: Card game lived.’ This all started with those stupid Pokemon cards.”  
But his attempt was futile, for he was silenced. The accusers said: “I’m voting to close this question as off-topic because it is not asking about how to play a board or card game.” And: “Welcome to this site! This is a Q&A site, so your post will get closed or deleted if you don’t make it an actual question. And unfortunately we also specialize in questions of facts here (what does this rule mean, identify this game from description, etc) rather than opinion, so this might not be the right site for ‘what should I do about pokemon addiction’, even if that is your actual question. Please take the site tour to see how to best use this site.”  
This pissed off Clark, that he went into a rage that caused him to lose any and all knowledge of spelling and grammar, only retaining the spellings of his sons, Abel and his brother Habel who was Abel’s younger brother in the military.  
Now on a certain day I decided to call Abel up. I tried having a conversation with him, he told me that he was busy organizing his Pokemon card collection. He sent me the link to a website that was helping him find the best Pokemons. On this website I found his father’s post, which was concerning. I tried to talk to him about his father’s post, but he got annoyed. After this, I decided to change the topic to philosophy, but this too annoyed him. Then I tried to talk to him about Pokemon and this seemed to calm him down. After he was calm, I decided to talk about Philesia, which angered him. I told him to calm down. He got even more angrier at my request and told me not to talk about anything that isn’t Pokemon. I started to talk about Pokemon again, and was calmed, then I asked him how he was doing and once again, he was annoyed. He was so annoyed that he got up and started going ballistic and hung up on the call. Being concern for my friend, I decided to get in touch with his father. Clark’s response was as follows:  
“MY POOR DEAR BOY ABEL!! He has poster his mind, I gave him alliances every Friday hoping he would by Legos and be a bool kind, but noooooo, intel he has spending it on these poker man cards on eBay. He bought a whole collection from a man from Nigeria (it’s not the n-word) and from the 1950s BCE and he has been drawing weird starts on his mirrors and ceilings since he hat gotten the stupid pole key meant carts.... Help hje has joined the il Lou men not tea and it has bveen scarring the family.”  
After reading Clark’s email I was both confused and concerned for my friend and his father. I decided to book a flight to San Diego, in hopes to knocking some sense into my friend, but Pokemon demons were ten steps ahead of me. When I got to San Diego, it turned out my luggage was put on a different flight. I had to wait at luggage check for about four hours, while the other flight go there. After my luggage got here with all my equipments, I started to hit the road to my friend’s house.  
While I was driving I got a second email from Clark. I pulled into a gas station to read. It goes as following:  
“A quick up day, my dear boy Abel has gone and abused me and heat motor, we tired to talk some since in to him and he went to Rambo ont tus, he grab the bait and stared the way out the went toe, and he was telling all the nay birds that he's name it Aiden from the Ash Ketchup movie and not ABEL, whole we named him after sense he was smoking a vape when he came out of the messenger bird on the night of the halo win. But people call the pol lees or he well go out of his head.”  
Arriving to his house, I found him with a knife running around and screaming: “I am Ash Ketchup. Help me find the Pee Ca Chew.” Then he got his vape and started vaping. After blowing a few smoke rings he ran out of the house singing: “George, George, George of the jungle.” While antagonizing his neighbors who were trying to enjoy the lovely afternoon. We started chasing him, but he vanished screaming into the nearby woods. Next thing I remember was waking up in my hotel. Checking my emails, I saw that Clark emailed me, and it read:  
“Epic update, sent my dear boy has recently this morning check himselfed in to rehab and hat sold all otes poker man cards ion the black market, font someboty else is going to git toes de man nick poe key man cards, be awort, they bing not ting but de men in to your house held, tis a conspiracy tat tea government is kept from us. They use pole key man to control our kits, font they can turnt against tus.”  
Thinking everything was fine I decided to go back home to Kentucky.  
Everything seemed fine when I got back home, so I decide not to worry too much about it. However, everything changed eight days later, when I got an email from Abel’s father which reads:  
“Font of recently my deer boat Able hat brote alf of rehab ant came two at ayack heat mod or ent mi, he heat four got tin thad he hat tole oats of het poker men carts, and got Matt add hear motor end me,. Wheat ark font cared, weed tied too goat tea poles butt they turntus don’t, son want plee see help.”  
After reading this I dropped everything and I went straight back to San Diego, but the only available flight wasn’t for another two days. So I decided to use this time to gather more equipment. It was on a Monday that I left Lexington to go help Clark.  
I had a layover in D.C. which was terrible, just the city. The amount of stupid that is in D.C. is unbelievable, it irritates my soul. In the White House lives a stupid clown and outside there are even more retarded clowns that protest him. Capitol Hill is filled with even more stupid retards who were elected by the stupid masses to get paid to sit around all day doing nothing.  
Now I got San Diego around 4 PM. While I was getting in to the cab, the Pokemon demon of Browser took control of the driver. Not aware that a demon took control of him, I gave him the address of the hotel that I was staying at. However I couldn’t sleep that night, which was good. It was around 3 A.M. when Browser broke into my room and attacked me. Having me pinned down and about to kill me, I called out to Jesus to save me. Browser ran at the hearing of the Holy Name.  
Now the following day I met up with Quintus, who was a close friend of Abel and I. After hearing about Abel’s condition, he decided to join Clark and I on the manhunt. We went around asking people if they have seen Abel. This however was proven futile, as no one had seen him. So then we went to the forest that Abel goes camping in a lot. There we found him in a black cloak. He has about 30 Mannequins all dressed in black cloaks and standing around in a circle around a fire. He chanting something in a foreign language, I think it was Latin? After seeing this, Clark called to his name Abel, saying:  
“Abel, son, you is that? Home with cone us. You’re worried friends.” He was trying to say: “Abel, my son, is that you? Come home with us, you are worrying your friends.”  
And Abel replied with:  
“Izard, kizard, wizard lizard.  
A great nation shall fall. The want I sore or pot.  
The Prain man is here.  
Song in the rainbow. Hippies the rook core.  
The likenesses are speckles in the stars.  
Night written so sad.  
The soar monk on the horizon,  
enter the monkey hill, no no no no,  
out the roof took the heavy.  
Boom boomboom-boom-boomboomboom-boom boom.  
No way the cara on the pocks are that high?  
I ate the last get out of my HOUSE!!!!  
No, mr Anderson this is not a trick.  
The original cake ran the houses until tomorrow, mot need not.  
I hid my treasure somewhere safe in Slade, up, up, up high in the mountains.  
Pass the dark tunnel and up the turner.  
Loud a little two north. Hot pockets ate my coke...”  
He was talking in some sort of code, but to this day I haven’t been able to crack it completely. All I know is it has to do with the Mountains of Eastern Kentucky, which are guarded by the Prain man, but at the that time we didn’t it was a code. Not knowing what to do, I told Quintus to tackle Abel. Quintus and I kept watch over Abel while Clark went to get the local priest to preform an exorcism. After which Abel went back to rehab. Being cautious this time, I stayed a few more days. On the fourth day, I was talking to Quintus and he said:  
“Something doesn’t feel right. I feel something is going to happen, I’m just not sure what.”  
Quintus was one of those people who claimed that he could predict the future based on his gut feeling. However, this was only limited to good or bad things. If he got a good feeling, he said something good would happen and if he got a bad, something bad would happen. I not being a believer of such fairy stories, was spectacle of this.  
Now the following day Clark went to go checkup on Abel at rehab. That’s when he found out that Abel had been skipping rehab to play pokemon. However, he was unsuccessful at find him that day. So he called it a quits.  
Now the events that I’m about to tell you. I’m uncertain how they happened, but I will tell how I think it happened based on the accounts of Clark—who is dull of speaking—and the police report. Around 7:47, Abel broke into his house. At around 8:15 Clark arrived home to see his wife dead and Abel fleeing the scene. What I think happened is, Abel broke into his house and used the invisibility pokemon to make himself invisible, so that his mother wouldn’t die seeing her son as her murderer. After killing her with a knife, he took her blood and poured it into the bowl to make a call to the spirits that are locked away in Sheol. What he talked about with the demon spirits, I don’t know. My best guess is on how to get more power and which cards are better.  
When Clark walked in Abel was caught off guard. Using the speed pokemon, Abel made a hasty escape. This Pokemon made him so fast, that Clark only saw him when he paused to jump out the window. Losing the love of his life to the grave and his eldest son to the demons, Clark let out a great lament. The contents to the Song of Dolores, I know not.  
The following day Quintus and I got an email which reads:  
“Sot ot resanly my dirt bot Abel hat ben snaking out of rehab tool go plate poker man white he shoot be getting bitter front his pole key mant ad dick shin, he hat kilt het motor end I am verty stared that he well got adder soon oort lay her, I some asd be puss ot my wile, plead help fort mite dirt boit.” Which being translate says: “So of recently, my dear boy Abel has been sneaking out of rehab to go play Pokemon. [He does this] while he should be getting better from his Pokemon addiction. He has also killed his mother and I very scared that he will come after me sooner or later…. Please help my dear boy Abel.”  
We once again joined the manhunt and it was once again futile.  
Later that night, Abel came to his father asking for forgiveness. Out of his fatherly love, Clark forgave Abel and received him back. But Abel being the trickster that he is, used this opportunity to find his Yugioh card collection. Using the combined powers of the pokemons and the yugiohs, Abel planned on killing us. He crept downstairs to where he thought his father was, but not being able to find him triggered Abel. He went out looking for his father and an elderly cop saw him and recognized him. Abel being swift on his feet, pulled out the speed Pokemon and the mute Yugioh cards, so he could kill the officer swiftly and quietly. This murder was caught on Clark’s security cameras. When Clark arrived home, he watched in horror as his beloved son, Abel, murdering an elderly policeman and running away in to the night. Afterwards he wrote another email, which reads:  
“Mee deint brit Abel heat lit pole key man fort a you gee yot adddic Shawn, heat hat tole tree pot lees fat heat het give u poker man too plate you gay yot and eat had bent wort ten pooler man. Heat has menus tea elderly pee poles in the city Tess is wort thed poke man. Toes Ja pan knees art coming up wit satnic cart gates to rewind tee youts.”  
Now in the following day a certain man from Italy came into town. Refusing to self isolate, he went about his business as usual. On this day Abel decided that he had to do something about the police. The Pokemon Browser came to him and told him to go to the police station. After arriving to the station, Abel pulled out the invisibility Pokemon, speed Pokemon, attack Yugioh, and the strength pokemon. Those poor officers didn’t know what was coming. Abel swiftly and merciless murdered the whole police station under the influence of the Pokemons. Leaving the police station, Abel went walking around town. At some point he came into contact with the Italian guy, who was infected with the coronavirus. The virus had seemed to worsen his condition. That same day Abel broke into Balboa Park to steal the Dagger of Redurmo. Later at night, Abel went to the top of the mountains to summon the Pokemons. After summoning the Pokemons, he used the powers from the Yugiohs and the dagger to murder all the Pokemons, except for Browser who didn’t belong to Abel. The Abel murdered all his Pokemons, because he thought they were in league with the coronavirus and orchestrated events that led him to get the virus.  
He after this, he was still after the last loose end—his father—when he decided to cure the virus. He summoned even more powerful demons. They told him there was no catch, but just like those stupid people who live in D.C., they lied to him. After healing him, they took possession of him. They drove him into the city. It doesn’t seem like he did any harm to anyone, but stupid D.C. is covering all this up, all the victims were probably replaced with their illuminati robot replacements.  
At this point Stavros asked: “Wait, what if Clark was killed and the Pokemons replaced him with his robot replacement? What if they did the same to Quintus or to you, Xenophon?”  
And I responded with: “But that’s absurd, we carried holy water with us.” After which I started again with the story.  
Abel went to Walgreens to get the tools and supplies to summon the demon armies locked awayed in the bottom of the Pit. Abel went to La Jolla Cove to build his machine. He was about to open it, when just in time, Tom Cruise came raining down in his plane, sacrificing himself destroying the demonic teleportation machine. He truly was in the Danger Zone. After this event Clark wrote to us. His email was as follows:  
“So mite dent boat Abel hat gotten the corn Roa virus and he hat been spazzing otu all tea time. The simp toms are Thea same from Thea Poker Man, but worse. He hat killed heat poker mans and the town cots two not be attested end pit in Jair. He hat come after me to killer me too.” Which translated says: “So my dear boy Abel has gotten the coronavirus and he been spazzing out all the time. The symptoms are just like the ones from the Pokemons, but worse. He has killed his Pokemons and the San Diego Police Department, so that wouldn’t get arrested and put in jail. He has been coming after me in order to kill me.”  
After this we again started looking for Abel. This time Abel crossed a line and had to leave the state. Like idiots we thought he was still in town. It wasn’t until Clark realized that Abel still had his location turned on his phone that we learned that he had left town. Packing our bags we started on our road trip. He was in Los Angeles at the time.  
Los Angeles is like three hours north of San Diego. We arrived in LA just in time to stop him from opening the second portal.  
This is how it happened. North of Pasadena there’s a place called “Los Angeles National Forest.” Abel went there after acquiring the supplies to build his portal. He used, I’m assuming, the strength Pokemon, the speed Pokemon, the building Yugioh, and the intellect Pokemon to build his weapon. The sun was setting when we got to there. Abel was about to to open the portal when, *Bang!* Clark shot a bullet at the computer that controlled the machine. Abel got furious that he activated all his Pokemons and came running at us. Quintus and I were knocked out and Abel was about to kill his father, when out of nowhere a mysterious figure came to the rescue. The figure attacked Abel and the fight lasted—according to Clark—for about 5 hours. The mysterious figure had given a distraction so that Clark could get Quintus and I to safety. When we woke up it was already the next day. It was on this day—28th of March—that Quintus and I had a falling out. So after that I decided to go home. Clark and Quintus did the same to gather more supplies and got Abel’s Brother, Habel—who had just returned from the military—to help with the manhunt.

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I Xavierius, will go back into finding his secret library.


End file.
